I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
