were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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