Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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