dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
