She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
