Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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