Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
