this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i've created a new STD.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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