Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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