His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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