That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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