I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
