so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
