If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
