That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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