Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
