I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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