i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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