I didn't shave. On purpose
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
