I heard we made out
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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