it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
