today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am available for nakedness
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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