He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
