whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize