how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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