i already hear my dad disowning me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
