with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
