I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
