last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
