if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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