Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
