I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
