You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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