my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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