Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
