I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
