dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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