Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
