Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
