Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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