You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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