I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
