One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
