Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
please don't ironically join a cult
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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