don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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