I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
