I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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