dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
