Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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