Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
