can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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