It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
