He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How external is "for external use only"?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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