I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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