the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
