I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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