I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
