anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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