I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
