good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
