So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
