a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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