I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
