at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
