That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
