Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
