That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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