This is not my ceiling
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
