I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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