ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
