that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
being pregnant is like rehab
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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