Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
